Newberg Noon Rotary Club Newsletter for March 18, 2020

PRUDENCE & PETS

Definition of prudenceAccording to Merriam-Webster

1 : the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason
2 : sagacity or shrewdness in the management of affairs
3 : skill and good judgment in the use of resources
4 : caution or circumspection as to danger or risk
It is certain that all of the above have been taken into consideration, but #4 above is primary in what has driven the decision by our Club President Corey, to cancel our Rotary meetings until further notice.  Core word here….”caution”….not panic….but the recognition that the “coronavirus” matter must be dealt with in an intelligent, straight-forward, calm manner.  It, too, will pass.
Thence…onto PETS…of which there are diverse species…who…for the most part…many of us consider a “member-of-the-family”. Therefore, given we will not meet “corporally“…in body…but in spirit…for an indeterminate period of time…your newsletter editor has taken it upon himself to come up with a little something different….and hopefully a bit entertaining….fully recognizing that not everyone has a CAT in their family….the first domestication of which [*] seems to have been in ancient Egypt.
My late Dad, Charles L. Kaufman, M.D., Forest Grove physician and surgeon…Rotarian….and one of the founders of what has grown to become Tuality Healthcare [headquartered in Hillsboro] …was fond of saying that “…laughter is the best medicine…”  Given that from a proven hormonal standpoint, laughter DOES, indeed, produce an increased level of ENDORPHINS in one’s brain/body chemistry.  Endorphins are natural chemicals in the body that fight pain. Endorphins are released when a person gets hurt, but also during exercise, laughter and/or other enjoyable activities. In addition to blocking pain, endorphins can make people happy. Dad was highly educated…with a Bachelor’s degree from Willamette…a Masters Degree in Education…plus his M.D. degree.  He was a “Latin scholar”…of principally German descent, and spoke quite a bit of THAT language….and insisted that each of his five [5] offspring MUST study a language other than English.  Of the five of us siblings, we studied Latin, Spanish and French.  Each of us learned to read at about age 4….and we always had plenty of books and magazines of all sorts around.  Dad’s favorite form of HUMOR was the PUN….because…as he explained…and fruitlessly to most…that PUNS made both the SPEAKER and the LISTENER[s] and/or READERS actually T H I N K !!! 
My late Mom grew up in the household of Oregon’s first licensed/degree’d veterinarian, Dr. Morehouse, living in Salem, so we always had animals around…dogs, cat, ducks, horses…but my current living circumstances dictate that a cat was more in order for ME than a canine….therefore, I have a CAT….I don’t OWN a cat…she [Shadow] owns me…SO…upon recently coming across an Internet site with a bunch of “sleeping cats”…and another with “feline-related” PUN lines, I thought they were PURR-fect for combining and sharing!  Comments are welcome… GROANS are greatly appreciated!  AND…if an additional picture needs to be drawn…TOUGH!
To wit…combining CATS & PUNS:
Warning….to some who read these it may be an intellectual CAT-astrophe!
~ What is the cat wizard’s name? – “Hairy Pawter”
~ If cats could text you back…..they wouldn’t!
~ If the Earth were flat, cats would push everything off of it!
~ Cats’ favorite breakfast?  “Mice Krispies”!
~ Not feline well?  Maybe you need to call a Purr-a-medic…
~ If sleeping were an Olympic sport, my cat would win the gold!
~ Bathing cats is a martial art….
~ Cats’ ears are built to allow human voice to go in one ear and out the other….
~ There are many reasons to adopt a cat…but all you need is one…
~  Why does your cat sit on your lap?  She’s helping you PURRR-crastinate….
~  Cats live long and PAWS-PURRRRRR…[Prosper? ….now THAT’s a real stretch!….remember, I did NOT make these up…they are others’ creations!]
~ What is a cat’s favorite color?   PURRRRPLE….
~ Petting a cat will leave you feline good….
~ Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but catscan…..
~ I dressed my dog as a cat, and now he doesn’t come when I call him!
~ A cat is always on the wrong side of a door!
~ My alarm does not have a snooze button, it has “paws”….
~ [*] In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods….and they have not forgotten!
~ Cats spend half their time sleeping…and the other half making viral videos!
~ Cat puns freak MEOWT! I’m not KITTEN!
~ Why don’t cats like shopping?  They prefer CAT-a-logues.
~ Letting the cat out of the bag is a lot easier than putting it in!
~ If YOU don’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?
~ Dogs have owners…cats have “staff”.
~ Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?  Too many cheetahs….
~ Never feed your cat anything that clashes with your carpet!
and…finally…whew…
~ Don’t tell me what to do!  You are NOT my CAT!
.…Well….I’ll be dog-gone……
NOTE:  These apparently were all found on the “reader boards” from a variety of veterinarians’ clinics. If you have more….please e-mail them to me…or not!
Respectfully submitted…with limited apologies…Rick Kaufman, Newsletter Editor
Coupled with some true wisdom, as follows……
“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson  
“Things turn out the best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden
“A harvest of peace is produced from a seed of contentment”~ author unknown