Newberg Noon Rotary Club Newsletter for March 25, 2020

“SOCIAL DISTANCING”… above histrionics! There is a LOT of “chatter” from many sources right now as a result of the need to deal with an unusual virus that has shown devastating…even deadly… consequences in a number of locales globally. Much, but not all, is negative. Given that MAJOR recommendations for both individual and societal health, that, to the degree we are able, “social distancing” should be observed until further notice. It is not my intention here to pass judgement on decisions on this matter made by experts in the field. Rather, it is my objective to “inject” a bit of both wisdom and humor into our lives. The following “snippets” are derived from many sources, some of which may be identified…and some I am clueless as to origins. AND….If you would like to contribute an unusual activity….a special “Duck Tale” of your own…during this “Social Distancing” period, please e-mail it to me for inclusion in the next club newsletter. Rick Kaufman, Newsletter Editor …


“ Success is what comes after you stop making excuses.” ~Lis Galarza
“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” ~ Confucius
“The cost of something is the amount of life which is required to be exchanged for it.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” ― C.S. Lewis
“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” ~ Seneca
“With a few flowers in my garden, half a dozen pictures and some books, I live without envy.”
~ Lope de Vega
Going outdoors is not cancelled; listening to music is not cancelled; quality time with our families is not cancelled; reading a book is not cancelled; sharing with friends is not cancelled; singing out loud is not cancelled; laughing has not been cancelled; sharing HOPE with others has not been cancelled. Let’s EMBRACE what we have!

You are no small thing. Sure, in comparison to the Universe, we humans seem pretty tiny. But, the energy that gives you consciousness? It is the same energy born from the stars. That body of yours contains the same atoms and elements that make up planets, just in a different arrangement. So, don’t ever let yourself feel like a small thing when you are created with the same majesty as an entire galaxy.

If doubt was a bitter cold, fear would be its tempest. When the clouds seem to have darkened the sky, and a storm might stand between you and the unknown, it can only freeze you if you stop moving forward. Keep going, keep moving. Each step you take will calm the storm and warm your soul.

NOW…mentioning “warming your soul”… come the….laughs….grins…giggles…and….chuckles….


The only good thing about the next three weeks is that, the whole country should realize that we can survive in a world without celebrities and professional sports….and…the farmers NOT shutting down!

There is an e-mail going around offering processed pork, gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this e-mail, do not open it, it is spam!

Nurse came and said to the doc, there’s a man in the waiting room who thinks he’s invisible, what should I tell him? The doctor said tell him I can’t see him today!

Hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to puerto backyarda. I’m getting tired of los livingroom.

How come the liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? Are people not realizing that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?

Night 1 of no sports. My wife and I just had an hour long conversation. She’s really nice, apparently works in the medical field. Also…TVs are black when they are off…

Day 2 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice.

That moment when you’re worried about the elderly….and realize that you ARE the elderly.

Gas is finally affordable and we can’t go anywhere….

To go to the grocery store a mask and gloves would be enough….they lied….everybody else had clothes on…

I either coming out of this quarantine 20 lbs lighter, chakras balanced, and a house full of completed craft projects…OR…20 lbs heavier with a drinking problem…

Our cleaning lady just called to tell us she’d be working from home and will send us instructions on what to do…

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs….now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs….PLEASE do not let Kevin Bacon die!

The virus must be wrecking India….I haven’t got one phone call in three days about my extended car warranty.

We thought we’d have flying cars by 2020….but, no, here we are teaching people how to wash their hands!

This is it. The day your dogs have all been waiting for. The day they realize their owners can’t leave the house and they get you 24/7! LOL. Dogs are rejoicing everywhere. Cats are contemplating suicide…

CRITICAL ADVISORY: 8 PM is now the official time to remove your day pajamas, and put your night pajamas on…

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing About being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week”

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be…..Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

This “Social Distancing”…and its reason[s]…are but a “hiccup in history”….

and it/they, too, will pass…

Respectfully submitted, Rick Kaufman

Newsletter Editor






Newberg Noon Rotary Club Newsletter for March 18, 2020


Definition of prudenceAccording to Merriam-Webster

1 : the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason
2 : sagacity or shrewdness in the management of affairs
3 : skill and good judgment in the use of resources
4 : caution or circumspection as to danger or risk
It is certain that all of the above have been taken into consideration, but #4 above is primary in what has driven the decision by our Club President Corey, to cancel our Rotary meetings until further notice. Core word here….”caution”….not panic….but the recognition that the “coronavirus” matter must be dealt with in an intelligent, straight-forward, calm manner. It, too, will pass.
Thence…onto PETS…of which there are diverse species…who…for the most part…many of us consider a “member-of-the-family”. Therefore, given we will not meet “corporally“…in body…but in spirit…for an indeterminate period of time…your newsletter editor has taken it upon himself to come up with a little something different….and hopefully a bit entertaining….fully recognizing that not everyone has a CAT in their family….the first domestication of which [*] seems to have been in ancient Egypt.
My late Dad, Charles L. Kaufman, M.D., Forest Grove physician and surgeon…Rotarian….and one of the founders of what has grown to become Tuality Healthcare [headquartered in Hillsboro] …was fond of saying that “…laughter is the best medicine…” Given that from a proven hormonal standpoint, laughter DOES, indeed, produce an increased level of ENDORPHINS in one’s brain/body chemistry. Endorphins are natural chemicals in the body that fight pain. Endorphins are released when a person gets hurt, but also during exercise, laughter and/or other enjoyable activities. In addition to blocking pain, endorphins can make people happy. Dad was highly educated…with a Bachelor’s degree from Willamette…a Masters Degree in Education…plus his M.D. degree. He was a “Latin scholar”…of principally German descent, and spoke quite a bit of THAT language….and insisted that each of his five [5] offspring MUST study a language other than English. Of the five of us siblings, we studied Latin, Spanish and French. Each of us learned to read at about age 4….and we always had plenty of books and magazines of all sorts around. Dad’s favorite form of HUMOR was the PUN….because…as he explained…and fruitlessly to most…that PUNS made both the SPEAKER and the LISTENER[s] and/or READERS actually T H I N K !!!
My late Mom grew up in the household of Oregon’s first licensed/degree’d veterinarian, Dr. Morehouse, living in Salem, so we always had animals around…dogs, cat, ducks, horses…but my current living circumstances dictate that a cat was more in order for ME than a canine….therefore, I have a CAT….I don’t OWN a cat…she [Shadow] owns me…SO…upon recently coming across an Internet site with a bunch of “sleeping cats”…and another with “feline-related” PUN lines, I thought they were PURR-fect for combining and sharing! Comments are welcome… GROANS are greatly appreciated! AND…if an additional picture needs to be drawn…TOUGH!
To wit…combining CATS & PUNS:
Warning….to some who read these it may be an intellectual CAT-astrophe!
~ What is the cat wizard’s name? – “Hairy Pawter”
~ If cats could text you back…..they wouldn’t!
~ If the Earth were flat, cats would push everything off of it!
~ Cats’ favorite breakfast? “Mice Krispies”!
~ Not feline well? Maybe you need to call a Purr-a-medic…
~ If sleeping were an Olympic sport, my cat would win the gold!
~ Bathing cats is a martial art….
~ Cats’ ears are built to allow human voice to go in one ear and out the other….
~ There are many reasons to adopt a cat…but all you need is one…
~ Why does your cat sit on your lap? She’s helping you PURRR-crastinate….
~ Cats live long and PAWS-PURRRRRR…[Prosper? ….now THAT’s a real stretch!….remember, I did NOT make these up…they are others’ creations!]
~ What is a cat’s favorite color? PURRRRPLE….
~ Petting a cat will leave you feline good….
~ Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but catscan…..
~ I dressed my dog as a cat, and now he doesn’t come when I call him!
~ A cat is always on the wrong side of a door!
~ My alarm does not have a snooze button, it has “paws”….
~ [*] In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods….and they have not forgotten!
~ Cats spend half their time sleeping…and the other half making viral videos!
~ Cat puns freak MEOWT! I’m not KITTEN!
~ Why don’t cats like shopping? They prefer CAT-a-logues.
~ Letting the cat out of the bag is a lot easier than putting it in!
~ If YOU don’t talk to your cat about catnip, who will?
~ Dogs have owners…cats have “staff”.
~ Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs….
~ Never feed your cat anything that clashes with your carpet!
~ Don’t tell me what to do! You are NOT my CAT!
.…Well….I’ll be dog-gone……
NOTE: These apparently were all found on the “reader boards” from a variety of veterinarians’ clinics. If you have more….please e-mail them to me…or not!
Respectfully submitted…with limited apologies…Rick Kaufman, Newsletter Editor
Coupled with some true wisdom, as follows……
“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Things turn out the best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden
“A harvest of peace is produced from a seed of contentment”~ author unknown

Newberg Noon Rotary Club Newsletter SPECIAL ADVISORY EDITION


Club: Because of the current/global “coronavirus/COVID-19” situation, following advisories from our nation’s Federal Adminstration, and for the health and safety of all Rotarians and their families, all Newberg Noon Rotary Club meetings…general and committee…are cancelled until further notice…that includes our AUCTION…which has been cancelled for now…to be re-assessed and likely will be held in the Fall… Corey Zielsdorf. Club President. Need to discuss something with another Rotarian…or more? Try e-mail and/or telephone!


We are excited to announce that while we will not be meeting face to face for the 2020 District 5100 Training Assembly (DTA) due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we are proceeding with a learning plan to motivate members and prepare incoming leaders for the coming Rotary year. As an act of solidarity, we thought it would be a fun idea to encourage Rotarians to use April 4th, a date already set aside for DTA, as a day of training.

We are also excited about other online training opportunities for all District 5100 Rotarians using the tools available to us in the Learning Center. It’s crucial to keep club leaders and members informed. Informed leaders and members feel included and are more likely to become and remain involved.

Please mark your calendars for Saturday, April 4th, and stay tuned for further details. This is truly a win-win situation, getting the training you need and staying healthy. It’s like having your cake and eating it too.

Jo Crenshaw
District 5100 Governor 2020-21

District & International:

Dear Fellow Rotarians:

With a heavy heart, I have finally had to recognize that the Covid19 virus is going to be with us for awhile. The health and safety of my fellow Rotarians is of utmost importance. We cannot run the risk of contributing to the potential spread of this deadly virus. For these reasons, the Governor team has decided that this year’s District Conference is cancelled. Those of you who have registered will receive a full refund. You will need to cancel your own hotel reservations at the resort. I am assured by the Conference Committee that there will not be any major financial implications with this cancellation. My hope is that perhaps this summer or in the Fall, we can organize a “Rotary Reunion” event to present awards and to celebrate making it through this difficult time.

With respect to the fellowship that we are all missing; please find ways to still connect with your Rotary family. I am learning to use Zoom and it is fairly straight forward. Clubs are using a variety of technologies to stay in touch. Even a conference call allows you to hear each other’s voices.

Portland Rotaract has put together a unique “Mutual aid” program to help others who cannot get out to do basic errands. They will deliver prescriptions, grocery shop…whatever someone needs.

As you heard from RIP Mark Maloney, the International Convention has also been cancelled. If you are registered you do not need to do anything right now….unless you booked rooms apart from the RI listing.

We will hear more as RI is able to sort things out.

I will continue to put out a weekly memo with updates as they come available. In the meantime, stay well, stay home, and stay optimistic!

YIRS, DG Diane


Respectfully submitted, Rick Kaufman Newsletter Editor

Newberg Noon Rotary Club Newsletter for both March 4 & 11, 2020

BREAKING NEWS!!! In response to current “best practices” information from State & Federal Government sources, ALL Newberg Noon Rotary meetings …including committee meetings…have been cancelled by Club President Corey Z. until further notice!

AND…this newsletter is a “2-FER”….combining/blending two [2] weeks’ worth of meetings into one, as “domestic infra-structure” issues/circumstances prevented Yours Truly…Newsletter Editor Rick…from producing a newsletter for the March 4 meeting. And a “BIG THANKS” to “engineer extraordinaire” Ralph Koozer for assisting me with my home’s primary electrical supply challenges!

GREETERS: March 4 – Shannon Knight; March 11 – Jim McMaster

Club President Corey Z. opened both meetings at the Chehalem Cultural Center. having Dale Welcome lead us in the PLEDGE on the 4th…..and Dr. Stan Kern did so on the 11th.

Guests: 4th: Only our two speakers – from the Oregon Community Foundation: Jenn Columbus [Salem Rotarian] and Michael Achterman. On the 11th: Gene Piros’ wife, Rebecca, and “Friend of Rotary” Ann Dolan.

Yummy & nutritious meals provided, per usual by Bon Appetit…however…as a health precaution, we had GLOVED SERVERS on the 11th..with Michelle C. and Shannon B. masterfully managing these roles!

....Then Paula reminded us to NOT THROW OUT THE BOWLS/PLATES & SILVERWARE!

President Corey’s cancellation of meetings until further notice is the most important announcement at this time.

Rotary moments: 4th – none; 11th : Auggie touched on the “coronavirus” situation w/ two stories…for details on those…check with him! He’s always up for story-telling!

DUCK TALES: Michelle Colvin collected $34 on the 4th….while Gene Piros’ efforts added $54.25 on the 11th. Without going into specific “tale” details, several Rotarians made contributions.

Auggie was not at the meeting on the 4th…as he was leading our Dental Health Project in Central America….and has provided a bunch of photos from that “philanthropic adventure”:

...the Destination!…….Dr. Cole & assistant

..curious child…...Dr. Bright & Assistant Lacey

….D. Andrews celebrates patient’s treatment!……Dr. Polan & Jesse assisting…..Irvin with students…….The

Guatemala Team… Carstens……He came in searching for Mathew to give him a big hug!… Matt & Ali team up!

…two local girls peering through a window to see what is going on!

..mother and child….…Shannon overseeing “her” dental team…

..Maureen…with interpreter …treating patient.

..the waiting line in El Hato…and the waiting line in San Mateo on the last day of the clinic!

And yet another successful….life-changing-for-all-involved….trip spent helping our Southern Neighbors!

Program on the 4th: Jenn Columbus & Michael Achterman from the Oregon Community Foundation. “Putting donated dollars to work for Oregonians. OCF brings together a powerfull network of citizen philanthropists to invest in a bright future for Oregonians. Through grantmaking, research, advocacy and community building, OCF guides donors toward strategic giving that reflects individual priorities and community needs.” Together, we transform generosity into measurable impact.” “OCF’s Promise: Stability, expertise and a proven commitment to donors and to Oregon’s communities.”, andJenn & Michael gave us OCF’s historical beginnings, financial basis and an overview of what makes OCF so special. For additional information, check OCF’s website.

Then…on the 11th we had fellow Newberg Noon Rotarians, Dr. Joe Morelock and Brandy Penner from the Newberg School District provide us details of the upcoming School Bond Issue:

.….….with Dr. Joe making major points about the “Core Bond Package”. One of which was that “….it costs about $500/ sq.ft. to build a school.” We were provided printed/detailed information to takehome and review. Brandy gave us a parent’s perspective what with three kids of her own in the educational system. For more details check out the School District’s website. Bottom line…. $141,204,879. Which comes out to $1.18 additional tax per $1000 assessed valuation on real estate. Thanks, Brandy & Dr. Joe!

REMEMBER….as a community and personal health safety matter, no meetings until further notice!

Respectfully submitted, Rick Kaufman, Newsletter Editor.
With the following “tidbits” of WISDOM…..

“Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of Happiness.” ~ George Santayana

“He who rushes ahead doesn’t go far.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Dreams are the touchstones of our characters. ~ Henry David Thoreau and….

“Life has all seasons. Some can seem longer than others, but all of them bring you closer to your purpose. The cold of winter eventually gives way to the warmth of spring.

During the darkest of days, you can huddle in the shadows, or you can embody the sunlight that is still there behind the clouds. Be the warmth that melts the snow. See and nurture the beauty that awaits just below the thawing earth. Your soul’s purpose is the renewal that brings your own spring.” – author unknown